[ the nausea she feels overwhelms her to the point where she needs abandon her phone and lean her head out the window, breathing the clean air. had her panic swayed his otherwise clever mind? her selfishness?
why would he protect her at all, when hawk yet lives? no one has ever chosen her, not guard or child, husband or lover. ]
You’ve the role of the Doctor as well.
[ how many of them are there? ]
Would you have me ask you to?
[ to protect one whose role matters more to ending this, like alina or matt. ]
[ Hawk had been keeping his head down, for the most part. Any heat on him was due to concealing what happened to Embry, making him a target for accusations maybe, but not for the wolves. Tim thought he was safe. And he was right, at least for the first two rounds.
He'd made promises to Alicent and her son both, that she would be safe, and he's ensured it at Baela's expense. Chosen with his heart and not his head. It was his own selfishness, his own cowardice that put that poor girl in the morgue. ]
What would you have me do?
If I choose wrong again, I might as well be killing them myself.
[ she wants to say, protect aemond or save rhaenyra, guarding those she loves best.
but that will not serve them. ]
Protect Alina. She will resurrect your Hawk, if you are correct and he is targeted. She alone has the chance to save more lives than any other and remains the greatest threat to the wolves for her willingness to accuse all, even those much loved by our fellow guests.
I don't know. I have to think. If we catch enough of them, they'll have to focus on their biggest threats. Maybe Hawk isn't as big of a priority. Or maybe by now, they know they'll be thwarted if they go for Alina and won't even try.
Pierce has professed little interest in the game. Alina is who I would choose in your stead, not Rhaenyra or Aemond or myself. Your mind is your own, but Hawk is not the greatest threat to the wolves. Indeed, he defended the two with the greatest evidence against them — he may thus be viewed as an asset.
[ unsaid: he must have known about the man ash named embry’s killer, too. and tim? ]
I know he has your heart. I do not begrudge you for it.
[ thought she may judge it, when she sacrificed alia to the dungeon and asked for jacaerys, not her love. is there no one who would choose duty? who would consent to sacrifice? ]
[ She's right. Hawk isn't their greatest threat. If anything, he's a good decoy, or would have been if he hadn't been forced to reveal himself for Tim. The right thing to do is to keep the witches safe. He'll just have to keep telling himself, it's the right thing, for the greater good, and scramble with all his might to hold everything together.
If he's brave enough to take the risk, now thst the danger to Hawk is tangible, and greater than most. ]
Myself, Bella, Shanks, and Hawk. Maybe we can coordinate something to protect the witches and Matt.
But i think the chance to dissuade Hawk from choosing me disappeared when I was attacked.
There is another I believe who has come to us in a dream. Someone gave Daemon the name David Collins. I know him not, but I know Daemon as well as if he were mine own wretched brother, for all my husband loved and resented him — he is a Targaryen, forged in blood and fire. He trusts dragon dreams above all. If he has not seen it, someone else has and informed him thusly.
I know it is not enough to damn him. I am endeavouring to learn more, but we’ve so little time.
I suppose if Daemon is felled by him, that will be something.
[ referring to usopp and louis, with their contradictory visions. there is so much else she wishes to say after that round. please don’t entertain my son’s affections; he cannot bear to love what is not his to have or i beg you to save alina and not your hawk, for all our sakes. ]
Thank you for choosing to protect me, even if you were not correct. It is a rare thing, for a queen’s life to be valued. It is a rarer thing, for my life to be of import to anyone not sworn to my service.
[ she has mattered little and less to viserys, to the court, to her sons. they would sacrifice her to a greyjoy brute — to aemond — before shielding her. ]
You’re welcome. I think...I know, after all of that, there are bigger targets than you. But if I’m wrong again, I’ll never forgive myself.
[ Will he ever forgive himself for Baela, or for choosing wrong in the first round, even with nothing to go on? Maybe. Maybe not. It feels now like no matter what he does, it’ll be wrong. Alicent will be vulnerable, Hawk is exposed, Alina doesn’t have Paul to protect her, Pierce seems uninvested but still clearly willing and able to raise the dead. He can’t be everywhere at once.
He needs to do the right thing, the one that keeps the most people safe, but if someone comes for Hawk and he’s not there, Tim might as well be the one sinking the knife in himself. It’s selfish, or as selfish as exposing himself as an even bigger target to protect the man he loves can be. He keeps thinking of the worst outcome, the worst of his own instincts, the shred of self-preservation he has left that asks if anyone would have saved him, if Hawk were gone? ]
I’ll figure it out. Maybe the other doctors can be rallied. Are you sure Alina would bring back Hawk if he were hurt?
None but the gods know when the Stranger will come. You must not disparage yourself for your humanity.
[ they know so little, in the end. ]
I’m told Strickland mislikes being instructed or swayed.
Alina, however, is a lady of the court, whether she likes it or no, and we are unfailingly amenable to bargains that advance our own.
She cannot protect her beloved or hunt her attackers, if she dies. Your services ensure that she may do both. It is the deal I would broker, in your position, for how it will benefit the innocents and your House.
Yes. I think so. He fought for me me last night, almost too much.
We've argued before, a lot, about how he always leaves when things get hard. But they're harder than ever and he's here, supporting me more than he ever has. I'm happy for it, but it's confusing. It shouldn't have taken me almost getting killed, but a wake up call is a wake up call all the same, isn't it?
I trust him with my life. My heart, I don't know yet. I can't think about that until this is over, I need to stay focused.
[ He could know. If he makes the choice to protect his heart first, he could know. Not everything, but he could have the comfort of one important certainty. ]
no subject
I need to tell you something. In strict confidence. Only Hawk knows. No one else can.
no subject
Of course.
What is it?
no subject
I almost went to Baela. I chose wrong and now she's dead.
And now Hawk's been outed and they'll come for him next, and I don't think I'm brave enough to do the right thing.
no subject
why would he protect her at all, when hawk yet lives? no one has ever chosen her, not guard or child, husband or lover. ]
You’ve the role of the Doctor as well.
[ how many of them are there? ]
Would you have me ask you to?
[ to protect one whose role matters more to ending this, like alina or matt. ]
no subject
He'd made promises to Alicent and her son both, that she would be safe, and he's ensured it at Baela's expense. Chosen with his heart and not his head. It was his own selfishness, his own cowardice that put that poor girl in the morgue. ]
What would you have me do?
If I choose wrong again, I might as well be killing them myself.
no subject
but that will not serve them. ]
Protect Alina.
She will resurrect your Hawk, if you are correct and he is targeted. She alone has the chance to save more lives than any other and remains the greatest threat to the wolves for her willingness to accuse all, even those much loved by our fellow guests.
[ like Louis. ]
no subject
Pierce can, too.
I don't know. I have to think. If we catch enough of them, they'll have to focus on their biggest threats. Maybe Hawk isn't as big of a priority. Or maybe by now, they know they'll be thwarted if they go for Alina and won't even try.
no subject
Pierce has professed little interest in the game. Alina is who I would choose in your stead, not Rhaenyra or Aemond or myself. Your mind is your own, but Hawk is not the greatest threat to the wolves. Indeed, he defended the two with the greatest evidence against them — he may thus be viewed as an asset.
[ unsaid: he must have known about the man ash named embry’s killer, too. and tim? ]
I know he has your heart. I do not begrudge you for it.
[ thought she may judge it, when she sacrificed alia to the dungeon and asked for jacaerys, not her love. is there no one who would choose duty? who would consent to sacrifice? ]
no subject
[ She's right. Hawk isn't their greatest threat. If anything, he's a good decoy, or would have been if he hadn't been forced to reveal himself for Tim. The right thing to do is to keep the witches safe. He'll just have to keep telling himself, it's the right thing, for the greater good, and scramble with all his might to hold everything together.
If he's brave enough to take the risk, now thst the danger to Hawk is tangible, and greater than most. ]
Myself, Bella, Shanks, and Hawk. Maybe we can coordinate something to protect the witches and Matt.
But i think the chance to dissuade Hawk from choosing me disappeared when I was attacked.
no subject
Bella appears to be playing logically, in saving Matt, even if others are not.
no subject
I'll figure something out. But you're important too. You're holding a large group together.
no subject
Let us think on what we must do now, first, rather than lose ourselves to morbidity: I have two names on my mind, if you would hear them.
no subject
no subject
I know it is not enough to damn him. I am endeavouring to learn more, but we’ve so little time.
I suppose if Daemon is felled by him, that will be something.
[ something…. sad….. ]
no subject
Hawk might?
no subject
[ sorry quentin. ]
It isn’t a worthy case, I know it, but we may yet lose more lives, and I cannot bear the thought of it.
no subject
[ Tim wouldn't buy it. ]
no subject
Though not all who see can be right, it seems.
[ referring to usopp and louis, with their contradictory visions. there is so much else she wishes to say after that round. please don’t entertain my son’s affections; he cannot bear to love what is not his to have or i beg you to save alina and not your hawk, for all our sakes. ]
Thank you for choosing to protect me, even if you were not correct. It is a rare thing, for a queen’s life to be valued. It is a rarer thing, for my life to be of import to anyone not sworn to my service.
[ she has mattered little and less to viserys, to the court, to her sons. they would sacrifice her to a greyjoy brute — to aemond — before shielding her. ]
no subject
[ Will he ever forgive himself for Baela, or for choosing wrong in the first round, even with nothing to go on? Maybe. Maybe not. It feels now like no matter what he does, it’ll be wrong. Alicent will be vulnerable, Hawk is exposed, Alina doesn’t have Paul to protect her, Pierce seems uninvested but still clearly willing and able to raise the dead. He can’t be everywhere at once.
He needs to do the right thing, the one that keeps the most people safe, but if someone comes for Hawk and he’s not there, Tim might as well be the one sinking the knife in himself. It’s selfish, or as selfish as exposing himself as an even bigger target to protect the man he loves can be. He keeps thinking of the worst outcome, the worst of his own instincts, the shred of self-preservation he has left that asks if anyone would have saved him, if Hawk were gone? ]
I’ll figure it out. Maybe the other doctors can be rallied. Are you sure Alina would bring back Hawk if he were hurt?
no subject
[ they know so little, in the end. ]
I’m told Strickland mislikes being instructed or swayed.
Alina, however, is a lady of the court, whether she likes it or no, and we are unfailingly amenable to bargains that advance our own.
She cannot protect her beloved or hunt her attackers, if she dies. Your services ensure that she may do both. It is the deal I would broker, in your position, for how it will benefit the innocents and your House.
no subject
I'll talk to her, and Hawk, and Bella.
I left Shanks to Koby, but I don't know if that'll work.
my House?
no subject
How quickly I slip into my old ways.
You and Hawk are as one again, are you not? United, as if you were a House all your own.
no subject
We've argued before, a lot, about how he always leaves when things get hard. But they're harder than ever and he's here, supporting me more than he ever has. I'm happy for it, but it's confusing. It shouldn't have taken me almost getting killed, but a wake up call is a wake up call all the same, isn't it?
I trust him with my life. My heart, I don't know yet. I can't think about that until this is over, I need to stay focused.
no subject
But you should enjoy your closeness. We do not know what the morrow will bring.
no subject
We will. Thank you.
And I'll talk to Alina.
(no subject)